Yes, I’m listening to the cure while I wrote this yet another rant.
1. December Chills
This December chill has been very familiar to me for at least a really long time now. It’s like I know when it’s coming and going. Nights have been a more source of smiles on my face, due to the quietness. I am a quiet person, it just doesn’t show much, but I love peace and quiet. Not eerie kind of quiet, but the breezy kind, where you could always relax and do other random shit. For me it’s better than no classes. But anyways…
December chills, how could I describe it? Well for starters, the abundance of long, thick clothes which I also like. Then again the familiar loneliness. What kind of a person would want loneliness on a chirstmas season? Sometimes I think I’m a very self-destructive person, or I just like looking at night skies alone, perhaps? Still to ponder on.
It seems that every December, inspiration has been very easy to find. It’s in every breath of a person, or in every smoke someone chokes out of their lungs. It’s everywhere; it’s just up to me on what kind of contraption I need to ensnare all of them, and combine them with literary bullshit fashion. Classy.
I’m already on my third week of “no one texting me / no one sensible enough to talk to” week. Its like everyone here on tumblr claims that they’re lonely, or FOREVER ALONE, but doesn’t really mean it. I feel, in my own way ashamed that I’m the only one who is actually alone. Haha, though it’s actually hilarious to think that someone actually does make sensible meme comics on the internet. Some FOREVER ALONE comics sort of hit me in some way, because I can relate, because in reality, I AM ALONE. And I’m somewhat uncomfy with it. Every attempt of socializing has been of farce and failure. I guess some things, even social interaction is not meant for some people. Haha, again hilarious to think about it.
I sometimes have thought of making someone happy. Not happy “let’s go on a date” happy, but just normal coffee, or watch a movie not because hey youre hot or something, but just so I could still keep my sanity(?) and because I feel it to be not human to not interact with people. That I could just pull someone off the streets and say “hey, let’s have coffee, my treat let’s just randomly talk and shit, I dunno.” But hey, that’s my brain talking. Still not that desperate for social enthusiasm. But my God, I do miss home. I really do.
The days of my effortly concentrating all my energies into an iPod Nano 6th generation is slowly paying off. I know its getting nearer and nearer into my hands, and soon in my ears. I can feel the portability now, I just know it’s around the corner. And it’s going to be soon. I know it is.
That iPod has been dancing around my head ever since the start of this first semester. I have be’en going in and out of Podworx just staring at the demo they have there, and sometimes playing with it, imagining everytime that it’s my iPod. It’s my smaller version of heaven. It’s mine. Soon. It will be. Sort of an obsessive behaviour? But hey, I know someone who’s a lot more obsessed than I am, though he prefers the Macbook Pro 15 inches, blah,blah specs shit. I have my 6th Gen, he has his multi-touch notebook. Quits. Except mine will be in reality very soon.
3. To the next step.
Im not really psyched to graduate. I’m still not looking forward to it. What I am after is squeezing every bit of fun out of my last days in college. I’m too busy with life to worry about some ceremony about the end of my life. College was fun, it was something worth remembering, and worth telling my grandkids about in the farther distant galaxy that is my future.
I even took the liberty of having my graduation pictorial on February. Some have already been using their facebook DP’s and uploading their graduation picture, boasting that they will surely graduate. It makes me feel sort of bad to ask people whom I thought would graduate with us but will not. And since I have a very forgetful mind, I tend to ask them again, and again. I feel like a prick, but I try my best to remember who those people are, to avoid confusion, and probably an offended undergrad.
People who would graduate, have been talking about graduation stuff. Haha, funny, I never really thought about it hard on what I would want for a graduation present. A friend of mine wanted a Chevy Spark, but it didn’t seem impossible for him, seeing that he’s as rich as fuck. But as I pondered hard, I just wanted a normal graduation celebration, with the people who have been with me through it all, from freshmen days till the thesis days. Those true people, and not those fake assclowns. So im guessing it’s just me and my family. Hahaha, sarcastic.
“Three Imaginary Boys. Slipping through the door, hear my heartbeat in the hallway.”